Hello everyone! This is my first time starting a blog, so lean with me please and be kind. I want to share my story with you all and how I struggled and still do struggle with body image and disordered eating.
My story started during my junior year of high school. I had just recieved my driver's license and felt on top of the world. I had a friend who was friends with some guys, that I had also started to hang around with. I was extremely shy, so I did not talk to the guys so much, but my friend did. We would hang around on this one guys piece of land frequently on the weekends. We would four wheel, dirt bike, and have bonfires, it was all fun! Until, I had drank too much and was led away from my friend, and into the woods. I was a virgin, and so all I was interested in was kissing, and nothing else. The guy who led me into the woods would not take my "no" for an answer. We were both drunk, but that makes no excuse for what he did to me. I ended up on the ground, saying "no," while he was telling me that I would "like it." This guy continued to take off my shirt and rip my bra off while I was in and out of consciousness. He pulled my pants down and continued to do what he wanted with his mouth and hands as I was in and out of consciousness and had not given my consent. At one point, I remember him flipping me over on my stomach, but something in me grew strong. I was able to get up while I was still very drunk, and walk away. That was not the end of this. He tried to grab me, but I was able to defend myself and hit him and run away. I transfered schools, and struggled with anger issues, depression, and anxiety.
About two years down the line, I had just broken up with my first serious boyfriend in my sophomore year of college. It was almost Christmas break and I had to break up with my manipulative and not so nice boyfriend. Afterward, I was so nervous of what he would say about me to people. I avoided going to the pool, or parties where we would be in bikinis. I began to felt ashamed of my body. I began stepping on the scale everyday, and if it went over a certain number, I would restrict my food.I would restrict my food to a meal a day and maybe some snacks to stay under a certain number on the scale. The scale and my body began to take over my life. I would never buy food for my apartment/dorm because I was scared that I would eat the food. I would only eat at the dining hall, and would only let myself go once a day most days, and maybe take a snack or two home. During the summer, I would eat whatever and would always gain weight over the summer. I would gain weight, because I ate like a "normal" person. This went on untill I graduated from Liberty University in 2018. I was around food all the time so I had no will power to say no to the food. I began to eat like a "normal" person. Six months after graduation, I began to gain more weight. I did not understand why I had gained this weight.I believe I struggled with disordered eating and body image issues becase of partly my sexual assault in high school. A person does not have to start having these effects after an attempted rape. A person can suffer from body issues and eating issues year after the sexual assualt. Recently, it had hit me. I do not weight what I did in college because I was eating. I was actually eating. I was healthy for the most part. I do not exercise heavy, only yoga a few times a week. I still struggle with my body image and sometimes wish that I weighed what I did in college. That was not a healthy me though. This is a healthy me. I eat when I am hungry and move my body when it wants to be moved.
"Nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 38 men have experienced completed or attempted rape in their lifetimes" https://www.cdc.gov/injury/features/sexual-violence/index.html?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Ffeatures%2Fsexualviolence%2Findex.html
Please read this article about after effects of sexual assault which include but are not limited to: food issues, diminished appetite, revictimization, fear, anxiety, social anxiety disorder, symptoms of PTSD, and less trusting of others. https://www.inspq.qc.ca/en/sexual-assault/understanding-sexual-assault/consequences
